Thursday, August 10, 2006

Pirates - Movie Review

Warning, if I haven't seen it I will ruin the plot, not that there was much of one.

Okay Disney, what's the deal? I can't figure out who you're marketing this movie to. It's way too long for anyone, way to gory for kids under 10 and way to predictable for anyone older. What's up with that stupid love triangle? And I'd also like to question your lack of imagination and recommend that you try to invent new monsters.

So, it's too long. It runs around 2:20 and could easily be 40 minutes shorter. As most people that I've talked to have said, "It's long and nothing happens." Ohhhh, there's Capt. Jack Sparrow using himself as a human pole vault! Ohhhh, there's Turner being overbearing and super-clever. Ohhh, there's Capt. Jack again speaking circles around everyone. Ohhhh, there's Turner escaping from a rolling prison ball, and then from a rolling water wheel. Ohhh, a three man sword fight. And my favorite, ohhhh, a scary octopus like monster that can will swallow you whole and then keep you undead for a hundred years on the ocean floor.

This monster has already been in some small films that have had limited success. I believe you'll find it in "Return of the Jedi", he eats Bobba Fett. And it makes a cameo (in it's flashy new water form) in "Fellowship of the Ring" as the fellowship is entering the mines of Moria. Seriously, this is the best Disney can come up with? Pretty uncreative.

What bugged me the most was how Keira Knightley's character turns herself into a no good pirate floozy. She challenges Jack to do what is right and not to force her into a situation where her honor would be compromised. For a moment we think he's abandonned everyone and his beloved ship, The Black Pearl. In the end he returns to what he wants most, his ship and goes down with it, proving that he is a man of (moderate) honor, after all he is still a pirate. Knightley's character, one the other hand, abandons her honor to lure Capt. Jack into being trapped on the Pearl while it is under attack. Is that really the character type that Disney is looking to sell to young girls?

Writing: poor, trying to be way to clever way too often.
Acting: Depp is very funny, I like him. Knightley is nice to watch, but a terrible character. Bloom tries to do too much with very little.
Action: Cool, but repetitive and the sequences are too long.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars.

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